Thursday, July 31, 2008

THURSDAY THOUGHT

War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. -H.L. Mencken

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Middle Life with Drugs

The David Carr memoir disturbs me in ways I can't yet figure out completely.

While I really think that everyone owns their life story and gets to put it down anyway they wish to (even as a fictionalized memoir, sorry Oprah), I have trouble when it is a Times reporter who gets twice blessed by the Times. The pain Carr caused his family (including almost killing his twin daughters) is profound, and I think figuring all that on a couch might have been best.

It seems he wants to get paid for behaving badly and being in pain and that the Times provided him with a platform. What else is there to say but that is how the game is played these days?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Stop Being So Earnest

An order for myself...

Mad Men

Something in the culture has gone so retro: why are we supposed to feel such empathy with men behaving badly? I get that it's a combination of camp, costume and entertainment, but (aside from the the opening credits which are superb) the assumption and portrayal of women in this series made in this century bothers me no end. I don't believe the relationships, or the history -- it seems more of a wishful version of Sex and the Single Girl, with Draper as the objective.

On the other hand, the office politics are very good, particularly how The Girl (Peggy) might as well be invisible to the bosses as far as her personal life goes. Yet the point of view is so undefined that its' hard to tell which mysteries are intentional and which are simply unintentional distance.

Tony Soprano and Jimmy, where are you?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

This blogging business

I've never been so aware of how much people construct themselves in the best possible light for common consumption as I have while recently reading a fellow traveler's blog. No details here, but it's important to note how much point of view matters when you present information; attitude can mask fact. It's also important to remember how while writing we are all forever -- in one way or the other -- crafting ourselves into characters and that when it come to divorce, mayhem, childraising etc. there is no Right Side.

Only, as Stephen Colbert might say, a kind of truthiness.

On the other hand, (take the recent Christie Brinkley fisasco) maybe sometimes there is a Right Side

Here at home, Number 2 shocked everyone at dinner on Sunday night by saying that he was amazed by genetics and fascinated how little biological material can influence so much. This is after working at the biology lab for a week and a half -- imagine how his own attitude towards science (which has been very negative) might shift by the end of the summer. (!) Even as he's recognizing the power of genes, conservative columnist David Brooks
writes how they may matter less.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Maybe...

What makes people optimistic in times of trouble?

It's been a preoccupation of mine for years -- how people in truly awful states of war or famine or sickness continue on with their lives and don't give up. Part of my personal problem with understanding the nuances of optimism has been nurture but much more has been nature: bipolar II has made me more depressed than manic and it's much easier for me to go southward than any other direction.

This weekend, however, gave me some clues about optimism. From Friday morning on, it was one of those few times in my life that I can say was honestly filled with giddy, unmediated joy. Seeing friends, sitting out on the porch on a summer evening, eating grilled kebabs and sour cherry cake, sharing tales of travels, hanging out with Noah, heading to a neighbors' surprise party, gossiping and giggling: all of it fueled me and sustained me in a way that I hadn't been for a long time.

It's not that these happy things haven't been there -- it's that I haven't been particularly receptive to them, preoccupied with my own dark thoughts.

So here's the secret: you have to be looking actively for happiness. You have to appreciate it when you find it. And you have to remember that you had it, so you can look back on it and smile.

Could I be more New Age-y and/or corny? Maybe not. But at this point, hell, I'll take it.

Happily.

Monday, July 07, 2008

How to Rebel: #1

So here comes the hookah.

Since we suburban parents haven't had enough to contend with -- pharmparties, pot smoking, etc. -- yesterday brought a request from #2 to have a bit of hookah puffing around the backyard picnic table.

After negotiating Google searches on what the health effects of this hot college past-time might be, it was fairly clear that a night bubbling tobacco was not going to pass the parental approval test.

Still, he does (as he points out) get points for honesty particularly about how he and his posse have spent several nights hookah-ing this summer. The question is how to encourage the honesty factor while simultaneously quashing the undesirable activity factor.

The best I could offer at the moment (why do kids need a decision a second before the gang arrives???) is a bit of human resource sleight of hand: My job description remains to love, feed and protect him; his remains to take risks, act out, and rebel against a sizable percentage of adult decisions.

And that so far, we both continue to ace our respective roles.

Sigh*.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Nothing New Under the Clouds

What I've learned from my children:
1. You can be smarter than your teachers
2. Don't always say what you're thinking
3. Getting along with people involves time
4. The value of doing nothing: i.e. hanging out
5. There are no 'second string' friends -- only friends.


Something about having a table of boys hunched over scrambled eggs and Canadian bacon (is this really bacon? It doesn't look like bacon) makes me very happy. I like watching them -- gawky, slightly bristly (everyone is practicing with facial hair this summer), and smelling of too much Old Spice sports scented deodorant.

I like how they forget to take their plates to the dishwasher, stare into space, cook while checking their cellphones.
I like how they debate how to make omlettes and whether a 41-year old mom who is qualifying for the Olympics is on steroids...
I like how they shake one another's hands when they say good-bye.
I like how if you look very closely, you can see the sorts of men they might become..